ReproductiviTeas: A New Line of Hot Contraceptive Beverages for Men and Women!*
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*Let’s assume for a moment that topics concerning human reproduction are approached in a reasonable, clinical fashion and that any moral and ethical implications are viewed as individual and unique. Now, let’s further assume that you drink tea.
Just in time for hot tea season, but sensually delightful at anytime during your cycle, The Micromaggot Corporation Department of Humanism proudly presents: ReproductiviTeas!
From the first protoplasmic cell division to the Ukranian orgy occurring at this very moment, reproduction has been a complicated and not always well thought out affair. For thousands of years Humankind has filled its thousand-year-old dimestores with pregnancy stymieing devices. The ancient Egyptians carried large balls of coriander and bauxite between their legs, while their less advanced cousins in Ancient Greece would resort to becoming philosophers in order to avoid impregnating their child-partners. Fortunately for us, we live in the modern age of prosperity and reason where our biological processes are commonly known and accepted for what they truly are … avoidable!
Thanks to new government regulations, all corporations are now required to sterilize their workforce. As we say here at the MMHQ, “There’s a Micromaggot for that!” Our engineers in the Department of Humanism have access to secret, long held ancient Chinese herbal remedies made from the roots of the exotic chastity plant known to regulate the human reproductive system. Yes, of course they don’t work, but when you add our patented Micromaggot Rhythm Method into the brew, you’ve got a treat that repels X and Y carriers alike with a fresh, minty aftertaste!
SteriliTea
Considering vasectomy? Tubal ligation? Down some of our mostly hormone-free tea instead!
Ladies, when’s the last time your Man said, “Listen SmoovLips, I would totally take those pills if they made ‘em for me. Now stop playin’ hopscotch in my frontal lobe and get the fernt door ‘cause the bells are ringing”? Well, pour that man a nice strong cup of Mocha Rooibos Rocksalt SteriliTea Extreme! While you’re at it, ditch those plastic sun dials and live a different form of modified reality with a cup of Chamomile Daydream Bliss SteriliTea! Imagine, a life of spontaneous love that combines the unpredictable rhythms of free form jazz and chants at a tea party rally. You and your random, chaotic assortment of lovers are free to focus your time on this Earth developing new and more involved role playing scenarios!
Unless …
Unless, of course, if in your trance-like ecstasy you didn’t have time to wait for the kettle to boil there’s always:
Plan-T
The Morning After Tea
We at The Micromaggot Corporation are neither pro-choice nor anti-choice, pro-life nor anti-life. We’re multi-choice. Is procreation a choice? Boy, that sure sounds plausible! We’ll dodge that controversy with a bergamont, camelia sinensis, nanolarvalrobobiopowder, and other natural flavor enhanced Plan-T beverage we’re proud to call Earl Grey, Go Away!
The great thing about our new line of ReproductiviTeas is that they each contain the same sophisticated, value-enhanced artificial intelligence which guarantees infertility for all of the five sexes within an 8 hour period of ingesting one cup! And don’t worry, should you outlive your own biological clock, you can be sure that there’s a Micromaggot for that too. We’re making your future dreams a past reality!