Onward … To the Age of Iron, Babylon!

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Hi, I’m Ben, CEO of The Micromaggot Corporation. Our company embraces a marketing mix strategy inspired by the situational analysis of the heyday of self-help/kitchen-convenience monetization. That, of course, being the era where the Bronze Ages became the Iron Ages. Between the fall of Babylon and the reign of Alexander the Great in 332 BC, Mesopotamia was much more than just the alleged “cradle of civilization” current marketing trends purport it to be. To understand why soil must be tilled and fertilized, why wine must be mashed by the fungus-infected soles of human feet, why harvest occurs before the winter freeze, and why spinners are always the best chrome for Mamma’s ride, one need only look at the grasslands of ancient Babylon. Using the Metamaggot, replicating ancient societies in a laboratory environment is a staple of The Micromaggot Corporation’s R&D methods. Our scientists, controlling for demand fluctuation for nacho cheese derivatives, have concluded that all early human scenarios will create a region known as “Babylon” and it is in one of these “Babylons” that invariably the first manuscripts will be created. 80% of synthetic-humanoid civilizations produced within the insatiable belly of the Metamaggot were shown to write, for the first time, variations of an eons old oral tradition: the telling of the great Green Bean Casserole recipe. This, it has been concluded, is likely the hand of Yuri.

Praise Yuri.

You may be sitting at home asking yourself, “why oh why should I devote my time to such rambling nonsense about the iron age and Babylonian Green Bean Casserole recipes?”, and that’s just why we at The Micromaggot Corporation would like to have a little talk with you, dear consumer. It’s no secret that, from your perspective, the press releases, quarterly reports, and product announcements from The Micromaggot Corporation came to screeching halt just when you became comfortable with the idea of nanolarvalbiorobotics in everyday products such as Chakra-Mags, DarwinMags, MicroMating services, and a team of militant Micromaggot Rangers prohibiting your unlicensed mecca to the MMHQ. Fear not, for when you see only one set of footsteps in the sand, it is not that we have forsaken you, but that we have been riding along with you, deep in the bowels of your bowels, replicating our maggoty masses in order to provide you with the most efficient Earth dwelling lifestyle possible. You may not always hear from us, but know that we will always be with you, as we always have been. Having adjusted for recent unusual solar activity, we are proud to resume the release of valuable public relations material by those licensed for external communications to continue our strategically timed product release cycle of your favorite life-enhancing nanolarvalbiorobotics. Products which you probably could not live without!*

In closing … let all of Earth’s creatures rejoice! The Micromaggot is not! The Micromaggot is NOT not!

Thanks for your continued patronage,

Ben

*The Micromaggot Corporation accepts no liability for attempts to live a Micromaggot-free lifestyle.

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